The tomato had to die...


... there it was. Bright, bloody red, a transluscent ruby set against a dull damp grey asphalt pavement. An inviting jewel, seductive, dangerous, juicy...

I saw it there and saw red, red, red. I felt the anger rising, bubbling from deep down, spilling over into a boiling frenzy of action... the rage, the frustration, the total and utter annoyance and I vented my spleen on this wolf-peach fruit.

I raised my foot and stamped down hard. I showed no mercy. None. Even through my boot I could feel the delicate skin tear and split as unimaginable forces bore down, crushing, crushing, seeking to extinguish the life of this puke-inducing, nauseating, choking spawn of the devil. I could feel the innards of the fruit cave in, totally destroyed, each and every pip shaken from its womb, never to be fertilised, never to grow into another deadly, deadly nightshade.

From being a perfect thing it became a mangled two-dimensional mess. Gobbets of its entrails splattered far and wide, droplets of its blood stained my jeans, which are now in the washing machine such is my hatred of the raw tomato.

I feel no remorse for destroying it.

What though possessed me to do it?


Because I woke up to find yet another fucking flat tyre on my bike. That must be the fucking fifteenth fucking flat this year, nearly one a fucking week. Fuck fuck fuck. So instead of going out on a fucking wet fucking crappy fucking dull damp fucking Saturday I hoofed it to Halfords - a fucking crappy bike shop if there ever was one - and got three new fucking innertubes. Ha! Some good news - I only got charged for two as the checkout guy fucked it up.

Then of course, the trusty spanner I've been using for years gave up the ghost - instead of turning the wheel nuts, the spanner bent... FUCKING WELL BENT! Fuck, fuck and double fuck. So back into Maidenhead, by which time the decent bike shop was open, and I obtained a decent spanner.

And had Costa Espresso. And did some shopping. And met a mate and shot the breeze.

And then killed the fucking tomato.

And it felt good.

How's your day?