Broadband schmordband

So from today’s news, OFCOM have decided that we can change internet service providers if we “don't get the speeds we are guaranteed”.

We aren't guaranteed any speeds. And as most ISPs simply resell the same stuff from BT, which isn't fibre optic at all, then what's the point of changing? And what's the point of this ruling?

Analogies are always tricky blighters, but it's like Honest John's car shop advertising Porsches that can go up to 150Mph. But what they deliver is an unreliable red Ford Fiesta that barely reaches 20Mph. On a good day. So you change from Honest John to Dodgy Dave, who is also selling Porches that can go up to 150Mph. This time though, you're delivered an unreliable blue Ford Fiesta, which not only rarely reaches 20Mph, but it often just stops.

Why? Because both Honest John and Dodgy Dave are simply resellers of Bert's Trading wholesale company that's hoodwinked the authorities that their failing Fiestas are speeding Porches. To paraphrase the ASA's response (to me): “it doesn't matter if you use a Porsche or a Fiesta as both have four wheels and an engine”.

This deserves an ffs.

And while on the topic of internet access - also in today's news is an announcement by HMGov that they are going to force mobile operators to do something about the awful internet access from trains, possibly using drones. I've said all along that the only solution to this is to front and rear the trains with a huge drum of fibre optic cable that simultaneously winds and unwinds as the train trundles down the track. Not only will this be capable of delivering RRFB (Really Really Fast Broadband), but will also help improve train reliability by keeping the trains moving irrespective of the type of leaves, snow, rain, wind, sun as the train can simply be wound along the track by the fibre optic drums.

If you want to invest in this idea, please send your cheque to Nice Neil’s (very) Ltd company..